tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-80543666762632043102024-03-05T23:50:02.968-05:00Poose and PuddleUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger369125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054366676263204310.post-11363503729079806532016-04-11T22:18:00.001-04:002016-04-11T22:18:12.419-04:00Steady As We Go<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">*Warning- there is a crap ton of profanity in this post*</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Chris' big surgery is 6 days away now. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">6. Days. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I think I have been afraid to make any of it truly public because I was so afraid that they would find a reason to stop it. After 3.5 years this is the closest he has ever been to actually getting it done. Today was his final pre-op appointment. He has been fully green lighted to go. There is a shit ton we still don't know. No one does. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">There are plans for plans for plans. A Plans, B Plans, C Plans. I can't control a God Damn thing so I make plans. I am trying so hard to keep it together.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">So. Fucking. Hard. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">For him. For my sweet, very scared little girls. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">You wanna know what Lily told him today after day care? She told him she is so upset that she can't even put into words. She told him that she doesn't know her birth father. Chris is her only Daddy and she can't loose him. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">What the hell am I suppose to do with that?! </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We have been working extensively in therapy with her to help her deal with all of this. We have been honest, to a 10 and 8 year old level. They do not know that if my Aunt comes to our house to bring them to see Mommy at the hospital that Daddy has died. I have to do this for Lily mostly. She has to connect the dots. They do not know that I have called in every favor at that school to make them a support net if needed. They don't know that Chris has done everything possible to protect us. They do not know in the least how much sleep he and I have lost in the weeks leading up to now. At home I am positive! Positive! POSITIVE! </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">And they have no clue how terrified I am. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We have decided to keep them home from school that day. My parents are coming in to help us on Friday and will stay until we are stable. The girls will stay home with my Dad. My Mom is coming with me and Chris to the hospital. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">So here is where it stands right now. The bariatric part of the surgery is super easy, honestly not worried about that at all. It is the getting him down and back up. The ENT who he is working with has decided to do what is called an awake intubation. He will be awake for a portion of the intubation process. As long as they can keep him supported then he will not be trach'ed. However, that is where the huge unknown lies. Chris hasn't been put under for this amount of time for a very very long time. At least the 20 years he and I have been together. No one knows how he is going to handle it. He has told them that they are go trach him at any point to ensure this surgery is completed. Period. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">If he is trach'ed he will probably be so forever. The ENT is afraid that there is just too much damage in the area. If this is the case there is a very good chance Chris will never use his voice again. Granted he will be alive. But I know how devastating that would be for him in the short term until he learned to live that way. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I carry terrible guilt. I feel like this is all my fault. All those years I was so over weight and he did all the heavy lifting, he wouldn't have pulled the hernia if I would have been taking better care of myself. If I would have been a better partner. Yup, this has me pretty fucked up. He knows this, and swears he doesn't even think about it like that. I didn't hold the food and shove it in his mouth. I didn't exactly tell him no either. I will never forgive myself if something happens. Never. </span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054366676263204310.post-35950007857374325172015-07-31T13:21:00.000-04:002015-07-31T13:21:10.113-04:00Say SomethingSigh.<br />
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Last week was a disaster. Between me developing a corneal ulcer on my right eye. Which my eye doctor said could totally be brought on by stress. (HA HA!) I think that is why I pushed publish on the other post. I was carrying so my on my heart. However, I did not know that Chris was on the email list. (Hi Chris). I hadn't posted in so long I just didn't even think about it. It is double edged sword how I felt about him reading it. Glad that he saw that this has weighed heavy on me for a long time. Sad that I put stress on him because now he has seen it in black and white where my heart and head is. I know he is reading this too, and I am not going to censor myself. It truly helps me process to write.<br />
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I have been describing our house as a buzzing bee hive of stress. The girls, as much as we have tried to shield them, can feel it and have been acting out accordingly. Lily has been stemming HARD. Her anxiety has hit a high we haven't seen in sometime. Her fingers are raw, she is pulling her hair, and flossing, digging at her legs, pulling at her ears and very easy to tears. Normally we see one maybe two of these at a time, not several. Charlotte is hanging in there, but has been teary and clinging. I come home from work and girlfriend glues herself to me until bedtime. Last Friday we were able to get Lily into see her therapist for an emergency appointment. I will say that since then she has been maybe a smidge better. I asked her this morning before Charlotte got up how she thought the week went and she told me that she still had a lot of worries, and she is scared.<br />
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We have been honest with them that Daddy is having surgeries. We were going to show them youtube videos but, Chris watched them and yeah, nope. Too much. So we talk about it instead. Lily started asking about Chris dying. A lot. Like all day long. To which I always say, 'that's not the plan!'. Try to keep it light. But that is so hard when I want to say 'I don't know'. <br />
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We have a rough sequence of the surgeries for Chris:<br />
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The first will happen this coming Wednesday, August 8. This is the airway dilatation and laser surgery. This is what he has had done well over 60 times. They are going to stretch out his airway. This time they are planning on keeping him overnight. Currently his is only about 10mm, ours is more like 25mm. He struggles to breathe just doing normal things like sitting. (yes you do Chris ;-) He bought a pulse ox machine to keep an eye on his O2 levels in his blood, once after coming in from mowing the lawn it was 79. You loose brain cells in the 70's. To see it I think that was an eye opener for him. <br />
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The next will happen in late January. This is the 'one'. The one I loose sleep over. This is where he will have the bariatric sleeve surgery and they will place the trach. It is expected for him to stay in the hospital for about a week for this one. It is just a lot to process. Our lives will change while he is trach'ed. NO way around that.<br />
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The next will be to repair his hernia. This won't happen till probably late summer 2016.<br />
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The final (if they don't do it at the hernia repair) will be to remove the trach. If they can.<br />
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Last night Chris' emotions over took him. For the first time he let himself be upset. Really upset. In 20 years I have maybe seen him cry a handful of times. Last night he went there while we were talking after the girls were asleep.<br />
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Sigh.<br />
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We keep saying 6 months of hell for 60 more years. It'll be so worth it for him to be healthy. We just feel like he has to risk SO much to get there. The guilt that he is carrying because of that is east to see. Not that any of it is really in his control. He can't help the way he was born.<br />
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Here is some raw truth...<br />
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He doesn't sleep well.<br />
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I haven't been sleeping well.<br />
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This past week I restarted my anti-anxiety meds.<br />
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Chris is a mess.<br />
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I asked Chris last night what he wanted me to bury him in.<br />
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The girls are a mess.<br />
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Chris told me through tears that I had to let people help me if he was gone.<br />
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I am sick with worry.<br />
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I love this man deeper then anyone could ever love another person. To loose him is something, well I can't even go there. I just can't. <br />
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We have had those talks in more detail this past week. He did give me a gift of getting the living will in order. That was a fun talk. But at least I know that I will be following his directions.<br />
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Per Lily's therapist I have been trying to the find good in every day. That is helping (so are the meds). I just need to feel as prepared as possible. Not that I will ever fully be. But all of this is so out of our control I need to feel like I have some sort of handle on this. That is why we have had the talks we have had.<br />
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All of this has had some good.We are finding joy in the little things. Small everyday things. Like really watching the girls play. Making time for family dinners. We do laugh even with this enormous weight on us. But to say that I am not scared would be a lie.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054366676263204310.post-1208585106093392172015-07-26T17:57:00.000-04:002015-07-26T17:57:19.992-04:00No Easy Way OutI wrote this back in Feb 2015. I just couldn't press publish. There has been some updates to this post and I plan to write again very soon. I have to get it out of my mind. <br />
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For a long time (2 years or so, by now) we have known somethings about Chris' long-term health. I am hoping that by finally blogging it I can let some of the stress/anxiety go. A little back story, Chris was a premie, he was born with Subglottic Stenosis. You can read more about it here <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Subglottic_stenosis">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Subglottic_stenosis</a>. Not the MOST scientific journal, but it does give you the gist.<br />
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He was trach'ed at birth until he was seven, when he underwent a series of procedures to have a few of his ribs placed in his neck to hold open his airway. They nicked a vocal cord during and that is why his voice is diminished. Other then that it was very successful. He over his lifetime has had somewhere in the neighborhood of 70 procedures to keep his airway open.<br />
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About two years ago, while getting worked up for Gastric Bypass his ENT used very devastating terms to describe what could happen if Chris ever had surgery again. The ENT said things like living wills, discouraged unless extreme emergency, and catastrophic. He told us that in his opinion Chris' airway was much too fragile to support it. Beyond that, there were noted negative 'changes' in his airway since the last visit. We were blown out of the water. He had never been told that before. We were sent into a tailspin for sometime. He was dropped from the RNY practice, we tried another hospital with better ENT coverage, his ENT still said no. He saw top of top at Hopkins. No Again.<br />
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Now understand, because he has the airway he does, he can't just 'move more' it doesn't work. He cant get his heart rate up enough for his lungs to make the gas exchanges needed to loose weight. He has put weight on due to poor choices on top of that.<br />
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While all of this is going on Chris also has developed an umbilical hernia, it is large. He has had testing on it and it is fat filled. So that is good. But it has become a ticking time bomb. It is only going to take him picking up one of the littles for this thing to rip open. It is very large. I have taken on the heavy lifting, snow removal, mowing the lawn etc. He hates it. But there is not another way right now. RNY or no RNY he MUST have this surgically repaired.<br />
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That brings us up to the now...<br />
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He has found an ENT out of UMMC that will support the surgeries (hernia and RNY) but with one HUGE string attached. He has to have a temporary trach placed. Now this might seem like a win. And in a very small way it is. There are however a shit ton of cons.... Temporary really is zero guarantee that they will be able to remove it. Ever. If temp become permanent Chris' entire quality of life will be effected. He looses his voice. there would be no more camping, no more beach days, a lot of social anxiety, he would have to carry suctioning equipment to work. This would happen with the temp one as well, but we would counting down the removal. They will have NO CLUE until it has been placed.<br />
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Sigh.<br />
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Going even further, the Trach just allows the surgeries to happen. The surgeries themselves carry huge risk.<br />
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I have let myself go to some dark places.<br />
What happens if I loose him?! The girls loose him?!<br />
I cannot bury him. I cant. My heart breaks to type those words. I cannot. I would have to move Lily's therapist in.<br />
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He is a walking wreck. Hates to talk about it. I hate to see him so sad. We both have come to the conclusion that he needs to risk it, his body is working too hard. We are going to loose him early anyway if he does nothing.<br />
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We have had conversations lately that have been so sad. Truth be told. I didn't want to go back to work. I love being an at home Mom. He loves me being home. It works for our family. However, he wants me to be established. So off I go, with a smile on my face not telling my potential employer I am only interviewing because we have debt that my husband wanted paid off in case he dies. How terrible it that?! That is our truth right now. Is it sad that I want to not worry about the debt and plan a Disney trip, just in case. That this past Christmas he told me through tears that he was so afraid that this would be his last Christmas. What the HELL do you say to that?!<br />
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Shit.<br />
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Of course the girls know NONE of this. They think Daddy is going to finally have the surgeries to get healthy and that is all they will know unless there is a need to bring them in. I guess all this worry and upset is for nothing because the Bypass/Hernia surgeon could still say no. But I don't think that will be the case.<br />
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He doesn't know that I cry a lot. I worry even more. I am so scared. All of my Google searches have to do with dealing with the loss of a spouse, how do you get you kids through the loss of a parent... He knows that he must have a living will made. Who wants to do that at 36 years old? With his family dynamic, he knows it will be blessing to have his wishes written out for me to just follow. I need to plan for the worst and pray hard for the best. Whatever that looks like. As far as I am concerned as long as he is still here he won. <br />
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It seems just so unfair. On so many levels.<br />
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I am so glad that I took the time to write this out. Sad as it makes me.<br />
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I just want see the future just 12 months from now and he made it through it all great. We keep saying 6 months for 60 more years. We can do this. He can do this. He has to.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054366676263204310.post-83162507575464780212015-01-01T21:07:00.000-05:002015-01-01T21:07:12.066-05:00Lilliana Turns 9How does that even happen?! Blink the child is 9. Wow. How? When? But here it is. In the day and age of Facebook I don't blog at all anymore. But like every birthday eve for Lily I find myself thinking of her birth mom. Which brings me here tonight. Chris and I have chosen not to search. Still don't know how I feel about that, but Chris is adamant about it. I get and understand why he worries about it, as a mother I still don't know how to feel about it. So I will leave in the we-don't-have-the-money-for-it-now-anyway world. For now on her 9th birthday eve, I will make a list (I truly have a God given gift for it) of what I would tell 'A' if I could.<br />
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1) Lilliana is beautiful, not just a superficial beauty, but this child has a truly beautiful soul.<br />
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2) She is meant for great things. I know all parents think this, but there is something more to Lilliana. There is a light to her.<br />
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3) She is roller coaster loving, rock climbing, jumping in with two feet fearless girl.<br />
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4) She loves you. Deeply. God knows how she longs to meet you one day. She has been talking about you very often, again. We let her talk about you however it comes. Even when it is painful for her and us to feel/hear it.<br />
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5) She knows a lot about Guatemala. She loves to do Power point presentations about it.<br />
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6) Lily is a great big sister. She has recently become the little big sister. Something she finds pretty funny. Her little sister thinks that she hung the moon.<br />
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7) Lily struggles. I don't want to sugar coat it. It breaks my heart. Her Daddy and I chose to start an anti-anxiety medication this past November. She also goes to therapy once a week. Honestly I don't see much improvement with the medication, in fact it has made somethings worse. She has an alphabet soup of diagnoses right now. I don't know if it has anything to do with her adoption, or if the doctors are right and she is just 'hard wired' this way. Please know that her Daddy and I are doing everything we can to help her. We would walk to the end of the Earth for this child.<br />
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8) She has an operation coming up very soon. She has problems draining her ears so the ENT wants to put tubes in her ears and also take out her adenoids. It will sometime in the early new year.<br />
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9) Lilliana is a very loved little girl. By us, her Grandparents, GG's, Aunt's, Uncle's, cousins. She and her sister just light up entire our world.<br />
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10) She has a wonderful laugh. When she laughs she makes all of us crack up just laughing at her laughing.<br />
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11) She has started playing the violin this year at school. She is really seeming to like it. She just had her first winter concert and did a fantastic job.<br />
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12) Tomorrow for the first time ever she is going to go ice skating! We told her today and she is thrilled!<br />
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I could really go on and on, hopefully one day I will be able to sit with you and tell you in person how incredible our daughter is. From the very bottom of my heart thank you, for trusting in us to parent this amazing child.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054366676263204310.post-12215930451954306372013-12-18T11:52:00.000-05:002013-12-18T11:52:57.600-05:00Rain Drops on Roses<blogitemurl>
This has been floating in my head for a while now. I am hoping that writing it out will help me let it go. The Christmas season can be a hard for me. Chris and I lived through adoption hell twice during this time. I know many more people have had to endure much longer waits. We knew that Matthew wouldn't be home before Christmas, and although that was a tough pill to swallow we made it through. We all know what happened less then a month later.... When we found Poose, we fell in love, and knew we had an excellent chance of her getting home before both her first birthday and Christmas. </blogitemurl><br />
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<blogitemurl>We had a plan, and God laughed. Hard. </blogitemurl><br />
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<blogitemurl>The months passed too quickly, we got hung up at every step. Minor delays, but delayed days add up. Finally after 100 day + of waiting in PGN we were out in mid October. No promises were made for Thanksgiving, but we were assured 100% travel before Christmas and birthday. We were ready to roll. I had packed and repacked her bags, and ours hundreds of times. We waited. Waited more. Her BC got hung in Mixco. They wouldn't release it. No reason, they just sat on it. </blogitemurl><br />
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<blogitemurl>Thanks for that. </blogitemurl><br />
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<blogitemurl>December came, and although small, I still held onto hope. Sang along to All I want for Christmas is you and inserted her name. December 19, tomorrow, is a hard day. We were submitted to Embassy. They closed for the holiday that year on December 20. Very quietly, hope closed the door. I cried, and cried, and cried more. This couldn't be happening. I turned off all holiday music. I refused to celebrate the holiday. REFUSED. That song, Soldier's Silent Night, the one about Santa who visits the solider, became a weapon. If we were out and it came on I buckled. All I could imagine was our daughter spending Christmas with nothing. Just like the solider. Cold and alone. In reality I know that I suffered more then she during that time. I know she had foster parents who loved her dearly and took excellent care of her. But, she was my daughter and belonged home with us. </blogitemurl><br />
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<blogitemurl>Christmas Eve I slept with her most recent picture on my chest. The thought of that night still makes my eyes burn. Other then loosing Matthew nothing could compare to that pain. </blogitemurl><br />
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<blogitemurl>We wouldn't get any news until January 8th. And, of course the minute she was finally in our arms I forgot all about the pain. But every Christmas season, I can feel every bit of that pain as if I was living it all over again. A big reason I keep extremely busy during the season. </blogitemurl><br />
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<blogitemurl>I had been better about it all these past years. However, it is no secret that this has been hard year for her and us. I think that is what is bringing all of this forward for me. I have so much built up...everything. I say it all the time that life shouldn't be hard when you are only 7. She has struggled so badly, and continues to. Thankfully, she does have a good team and we are seeing some improvement. I love this child. I. Love. Her. I would move mountains if that is what it took, anything to see her smile each day. We are getting more smiling days and for that I am very thankful. It is going to be a long process, and we are in for the long haul of it. We will continue to find the beauty of cloudy days. Just like rain drops on roses. </blogitemurl><br />
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<blogitemurl></blogitemurl>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054366676263204310.post-58539704991740550522012-01-25T10:20:00.000-05:002012-01-25T10:20:12.669-05:00Morning Rambling...This spring will be a funtastic time in our house. All 3 of my loves will be graduates! And I, the eternal planner, have already begun <strike>stressing </strike>planning the festivities. But here is where my brain is stuck.... When Lily 'graduated' from pre-pre-school we invited the Grand and afterward we all went to dinner. Small and simple, more importantly she loved it. This past year when she really was a pre-school graduate we made a little more of a deal over it and invited the whole family, and had a little party here at our house afterward. Again pretty simple. <br />
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This year with all three of them having special graduations I want them all to feel as important as they are. I also do not want to overwhelm our families with non-stop parties/graduations. So far right now I was thinking of throwing one larger party for all three of them. I was thinking of doing it the weekend after Chris' graduation ( he graduates Mother's Day weekend) and then just inviting the family to each of the girls events. I found a really cute layout for an invitation for them. I know Chris does not mind sharing his spotlight at all with the girls, he actually prefers it. If we had a big party for the girls with no mention of him, he would love that- he's not big fan of people making over him. He has been put on notice that I fully heard him, and understand all of this. But, I am making a big out of this! :-) <br />
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I know it will all work out, and I also know that once I get the dates for things for me. I will relax some and then I can kick the planning into full gear. <br />
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<blogitemurl> </blogitemurl>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054366676263204310.post-15216460229941667632012-01-23T15:36:00.000-05:002012-01-23T15:36:38.653-05:00The Catch Up PostI have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. Love it because it is easy to keep up with everyone, but hate it because it is too easy. A sentence here or there and that is it, no real story of what is going on. So while the girls are enjoying a new Barbie movie courtesy of her birthday money I wanted to update this blog a little. Let's start with the two most important girls in my world......<br />
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Lilliana, My word has this child blossomed in Kindergarten! We have been truly blessed with an awesome teacher, who just thinks Lily is just as awesome! She is in the top tier reading group, each day she is reading more and more. She has loved books from the start, but now it is just grown! There is one really funny story from school that I have to write out so I never forget. It was the day Lily's behavior card went to yellow, (dun dun dunnnnn...)! <br />
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Her teacher didn't say anything at the fence when I picked her up, and we had a normal ride home. We got home and the girls took off to their room to change out of their school clothes and put their book bags up. I had to use the bathroom. All of a sudden I start hearing Lily screaming 'I'm not telling you! I'm not telling you!' I opened the bathroom door and asked what in the world was going on. Charlotte appears to tell me that Lily has put herself in the closet and is crying. Insert more screaming from Lily. I finished up in the bathroom and went to find her in her room. She was in fact in the closet and had worked herself up so far I couldn't understand a thing she was saying. I tried to get her out, but after a few minutes I thought maybe a little less attention would be just what she needed. So I told her I was going into the living room and would be there when she was ready to talk. <br />
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Meantime, Charlotte (AKA chatterbox) is talking constantly, and informing Lily and I again of everything I just said (sigh) . I head out of the room and into the living room, and pretended not to be interested. After a few minutes she finally made it out of the closet and into the hallway. Still saying over and over again that she wasn't going to tell me, I was going to be mad. Finally, after what seemed like forever she made her way into the living room and s l o w l y starts tell me her story. Did I ever mention Poose has a flare for the dramatics? Apparently, she and her learning centers partner had a hard time paying attention, and after a warning to be quieter, they both went to (gasp) yellow! She was heart broken that this had happened. We had a long talk and she was told to tell her teacher in the morning that she was sorry for not being a good listener. <br />
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After I picked her up from school the next day, her teacher apologized to me for completely forgetting she ever went to yellow, because she never does. I told her teacher what happened the afternoon before and we both tried not to giggle. Ms. M did say that she is almost glad she did go to yellow, because now Lily knows what it is like. She did say that Lily came right in and told her she was sorry. <br />
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A few days after this happened I asked her what color she was, she answered ' Mommy I was one green, I am never going back to yellow! I didn't like that at all!' <br />
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There are so many more stories, I really need to do this more again!! <br />
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Charlotte: <br />
Oh Charlotte, Charlotte, Charlotte. God knew we needed more laughter- never at her expense. This child is so hard to discipline. She is walking the line of baby and little girl. She is a smart cookie and knows when to pull which card on us! She is in part-time preschool, and LOVES it! How do I know she loves it... she runs into the building everyday and does not look back. Just recently she started writing her whole name. She can write just about all of her letters now. <br />
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One her favorite things right now is make-up. She loves to do makeovers. No one is immune from a Charlotte makeover, Mommy, Daddy even the dog! She is just too much. They other day Chris forgot his lunch and I told him I would run it up to him while we were out, he walked up to the van and almost fell over. When I had gotten my shower that morning, I had forgotten to pay the extra attention needed to my right eyebrow. I had the Charlotte special makeover, meaning she got to use a little of my real stuff! While I had gotten most of the makeup off the night before I forgot all about my eyebrow. I looked like a crazy person! Thankfully Chris was our first stop!<br />
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Megan and Chris: We are in a good place. Chris is in his final semester! In May he will graduate with a bachelors degree in (let me see is I can get this right.) Global Business and Public Policy. I call it his World Domination Degree. He has decided to enter into the dual Masters program. Starting in the fall. I am super proud of him, he has worked so hard to get this done. May 12th is day he will walk across stage! This May/June all 3 of my loves are going to be graduates!<br />
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As for me I have been asked by a few people if I am going to journal about what is going on with me and the choice I made for myself. It will not be in this blog. I do plan to start another, for just me. Look for that soon. I will probably put a link on this blog to that one. It won't be private. I have nothing to hide. I am done hiding, and ready to live! Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054366676263204310.post-62675385281337081742011-08-24T16:25:00.006-04:002011-08-24T19:21:40.111-04:00Twas The Night Before Kindergarten<div align="center">Twas the night before Kindergarten and all through our flat
<br />Not a creature was a flutter, not even a bat
<br />All of the new supplies were placed neatly in her pack
<br />It is so heavy I pray it won't break her back.
<br />
<br />My big girl, no longer a baby, was nestled all down in her bunk bed
<br />Goodness, I hope she doesn't wake up tomorrow with bedhead
<br />And Daddy holding still, and I in a puddle of tears
<br />Both sat on the sofa in quiet thinking it couldn't have been already five years.
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<br />Wasn't it just yesterday we were in Guatemala holding our new baby girl
<br />Rocking slowly and running our fingers through her soft curls
<br />It is like a dream how quickly the time has flown bye
<br />To say I don't miss those early days, even the hard ones, would be a lie.
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<br />Tomorrow starts a new chapter in her life full of new stories yet to be told
<br />I am sure some will make my eyes want to roll
<br />She will be surrounded by new ideas, new pressures, new friends
<br />Her Daddy and I can only hope and pray that her good heart does not bend.
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<br />But tonight I hope she sleeps well and has a beautiful Kindergarten dream
<br />Tomorrow will come soon enough, and she will have to start walking on that beam
<br />But her Daddy and I will cheer her on daily, catch her if she has a trip and fall
<br />Just as we did while she was learning to walk and to crawl.
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<br />Looking at her now I can see how big she has grown
<br />I know that she is ready, even if I am feeling quite blown
<br />My dear Kinder girl tomorrow maybe a day that in your memories that might not last
<br />Daddy and I will always remember it as the day that came too fast.
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054366676263204310.post-65131785494411266632011-02-25T19:13:00.003-05:002011-02-25T20:13:21.166-05:00It'll Be A Miracleif she makes it to 5! Remember that commercial?! That is our Puddle through and through!<br /><br />Well Charlotte has done it! She has now had more ER visits then she is old.<br /><br />-July 4, 2008 Rolled off of our bed landed on her head-December 2008 uncontrolled vomiting, that turned bloody-June/July 2009 Respiratory distress related to croup-February 25 2011 Went to run to get a train tripped landed mouth first on our glider.<br /><br />I felt a little like Tim Taylor this morning when we walked into the ER this morning.<br /><br />Out of the now four trips, today's comes in a very close second to the respiratory distress. It was traumatic in every sense of the word. The initial injury wasn't so bad. Once we got her calmed down. It became the game of should we go to the ER or not. I hate that game. Finally we called her doctor she advised it better to have her looked at, if for no other reason then to make sure her tooth was ok. I could approximate the edges of the laceration on her lip, so I thought there might be a chance they should/would put in a stitch. I honestly thought they would tell us to keep it clean and make an appointment with the dentist. I couldn't have been more wrong.<br /><br />She did ok with the doctor. The doctor did the same dance we did to put in one little stitch or not. Finally she decided that we should do the stitch, but there was a catch a BIG catch. The doctor told us that it would be better in the long run for Puddle if we just let the doctor put the stitch in, no numbing meds... Chris went pale. He already felt incredibly guilty because he was the one who told her to get the other train out of her room. Completely not his fault that she then tripped and fell but he still felt very bad. So to hear this, he just wanted to crawl under a rock and die.<br /><br />The doctor was right. Numbing someone up for stitches is very painful and requires a big needle, plus the meds really burn. If we skipped that, yes it would hurt like hell, but it would be over quick and would only be one much smaller needle.<br /><br />They also told us that they were going to have to papoose her, and that we could leave if we wanted. I couldn't ever leave them. Chris and I stayed but Chris stayed more in the back and helped the nurse hold her legs. I stayed by her face and tried to make it not so scary. The minute we laid her down she started screaming. That horrible make you heart stop scream. Thank God the doctor was good and fast and within two minutes she was back up.<br /><br />She continued to scream and cry (can you blame her?!) and tell us 'those people hurt me'. She hit Chris directly in his chest screaming 'you let them hurt me!' Talk about ripping out our hearts. I kept telling her that we were so sorry and that it was all over. Chris made term arrangements to his new home... under the rock.<br /><br />Before we even came home we stopped off for Motrin and headed right to the toy store. Chris took her by the hand and told her after going through all that she could have whatever she wanted! I thought he might have been kidding, oh no he meant it! LOL Thankfully, my Dino lover only picked two new dino sets. We showed her a few more things but she just wanted her little sets. In Charlotte style she had to hold them through the store.<br /><br />So far tonight she had some pain when the Motrin wore off. When we gave her more Chris didn't put the bottle up high enough and about 20 mins later she walked back in the living room telling me it didn't work and we had to try again and her 'whip' still hurt.<br /><br />We have to go to her doctor on Wednesday to get it taken out. I am going to keep an eye on her second top tooth, I think she might loose it before this is all over. We will have to see how that plays out.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054366676263204310.post-52999925369909492011-02-21T22:09:00.002-05:002011-02-21T22:12:03.986-05:00The Dandelion Gave Her Smile Back<a name="6281155971440672301"></a><p>I haven't blogged in a LONG time! There have been some great things in the past several months and some not so great things. The person I am going to focus on tonight is my Poose.</p><p>Life with Poose these past months has not been an easy one. Chris and I have been just dumb struck by it. There have been tears (hers and ours), rage, uncontrolled outbursts, terrible sleep patterns, horrible unfounded fear. We had talked to her doctor about at her well visit and she told us just to keep watching her. So we have been. Then this past Thursday her pre-school teacher took me aside and told me that she has noticed a shift in her focus at school. She said that she was 'drifting off' and her teacher was having to instruct her to do things several times before it clicked and she did them. This was the first time I thought that there really may be something wrong. Nothing fit though. It was a big ball of little things that were not adding up to anything.</p><p>Thank God this conversation happened that same day I had an appointment with her doctor because she was still sick. I again talked to her doctor. Told her everything that has been going on. Told her about the bruise that was left on her arm because she was trying to throw herself out of the van at Target. Chris was SO upset! I held nothing back. We aren't perfect either and I wanted to put it ALL out there. We needed help. Again she has told to watch her and completely ignore the tantrums (when we are home) and remove her from the store. Explain to her what our expectations are when we are out, ex. She agreed that it may be a bunch of little things that don't add up to anything, or it might be more. We just needed to give more time.</p><p>On the way from the appointment I thought about how we interact with Poose. I came up that maybe we might be babying her and needed to loosen up a little. We have given her a small list of chores. I was also thinking that she might also not being challenged in school and here at home. I asked her about really learning to read better. Right now she can with lots of help sound out a book. But girlfriend wants to read!! I told her that we were going to start working on that. She lit right up!</p><p>Isn't it funny that sometimes you just have to go to the doctor and you feel better? This has been Poose. She has been on point all weekend. She is still having sleep problems. That is just ongoing for her. I told Chris tonight that seems to have her smile back. There is this ease that is back in her face when she smiles. We are still taking everything a step at a time. But I think that whatever was haunting her is on it's way out.</p><p>I worry more about her then Puddle. I always have. The reason is a simple, I don't know what is in her past. I only have very basic information to go on, and that is saying it is even true. I look to far into everything. She has had a pain in her leg, it is off and on. I was sure there was something really wrong. She hasn't mentioned it again since her last well check.</p><p>I think there is a also a large part of me that still (4 years later) is waiting for the other shoe to drop. Chris and I have a family we didn't think we would ever have and we were given these two beautiful girls. I keep waiting for it to all be taken away. To wake up and find this was all just a dream. I am working on this. It is just hard to learn to relax.</p><p>I am just glad my big girl was given her smile back. </p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054366676263204310.post-17913241033898129602010-08-06T14:25:00.002-04:002010-08-06T15:50:31.277-04:00What's Been Happening<span style="font-family:courier new;">Since I basically stopped blogging after trying to make it a goal to blog more this year I am know playing catch up. For me I've got to be in the right mood...<br /><br />Let's review the family:<br /><br />Chris, Megan, Lillaina, Charlotte, Gus, and Harley<br /><br />Chris:<br /><br />Still loving his job. Working hard on obtaining his Bachelors Degree. He is only 10 classes away now! 2012! His classes start again in just a few short weeks. It has been a much needed break for him. He is just been enjoying NOT being in school and hanging out! He took charge of the pool chemicals. It apparently is very hard to do with a smaller pool. IDK...He almost pulled a Carl Griswald and chucked it into the neighbors yard one day!<br /><br />Megan:<br /><br />I have been taking cake decorating classes. I think I am pretty darn good at it, if I do say so myself! Ever so slowly there is going to some great things happening in that direction! I did have one cake order but they backed out. I was bummed I will admit. But, I am focused on getting a fire lit slowly to keep it going, not be a flash in the pan. Stay tuned... I am hoping one day in the near future I will be able to ship some of my yummy things!<br /><br />Lilliana:<br /><br />She is just growing by leaps and bounds! My goodness! She can't wait for her school to start. She doesn't start until the end of October, so we still have a little time. Right now she is obsessed with Hula Girls, and Hawaii! She is writing her full first name. I love that she calls it her 'big girl name'. Everything for is a 'big girl' thing. A whole banana is a 'big girl banana', a hard boiled egg that she gets to pick is a 'big girl egg'. She loves her baby dolls. Princess Tiana is her favorite. She loves that her skin matches Tiana. In fact that is the major driving force for Chris and I to keep the Disney trip. That is a whole other post! Lily has been asking tons of questions about everything. She just wants to know everything about everything. How something works, why it works, why wouldn't work and on and on and on! She is very interested in Jesus, heaven, and death. She recently told me she was sad because her Daddy went to Jesus... ???!!! Was my response. Then she said something about him not dying, but that he works for Jesus. You should have seen Chris' face when I told him THAT story! She has been having a little trouble always telling the truth. We are working with her on that. Oh this is a funny...she wants to be a dragon for Halloween! She could totally pull it off! She is turning right into a little girl!<br /><br />Charlotte-<br /><br />Where did my baby go?! In less then 2 months she will turn 3! That is just unbelievable!Around this time every year I start thinking about her birthday. One day she wants Cinderella, then the next 'I cannot like Cinderella, I want Alice in Wonderland'. It is not a big deal at all it is more funny to see what she wants everyday! We are still working on her potty training. I refuse to stress over it. I stressed over Lily training and it backfired on me and stressed her out. I just keep telling myself she won't be in a pull-up in her wedding dress! Charlotte is sooo full of spunk. She loves to play dress up. In the course of one day she will in at least 3 different levels of dressed naked all the way up to full ball gown and 'diamonds'! We are going to talk to her doctor in October about her maybe being color blind. She is struggling with them. Chris is red and green color blind, these are the colors she has the most problems with. No harm in asking... Her favorite food is cheese. Chris and I were in a Lenox outlet and got the best giggle when we saw a cheese plate!<br /><br />The girls in general are best friends. Look up the odd couple and there they are. Charlotte loves pok-a-dots, Lily strips. I plan to write about this later, but no matter how different they are, the closer it makes them. They love to go on adventures together to recue each other. Lily asked me if she could marry Charlotte. I told her she couldn't because she was her sister. She said 'ohhh ok, I just love her so much'. I melted right into a puddle!<br /><br />Gus (AKA Butters)-<br /><br />Our oldest fur baby! He is doing so much better. He had gotten out of the yard in June and messed up the pads on his paws. We had a round of antibiotics and pain meds. It was pretty sad. He seems to be back to normal! It has been almost a year since we lost Beanie and Gus has never looked better then he has these past few months with Harley. Making him happy was a top priority and I think we have finally gotten there.<br /><br />Harley (AKA Lunch meat!)<br /><br />He is our newest addition. He came to us through a friend at Chris' work. His daughter has a degenerative condition and wasn't able to keep him. When Chris first asked me about a boxer, NO WAY! Was my first response. But for whatever reason my heart softened and Harley came home. He is hands down the sweetest dog... well next to Gus! He is a good fit for us and as a buddy for Gus. He is like a big baby!<br /></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054366676263204310.post-39000853232633652702010-08-05T20:00:00.002-04:002010-08-05T22:20:00.467-04:00A Lost Boy FoundWhen we started out on our journey for our family we had NO clue what an up hill battle we were about to endure. Five LONG years of trying on our own, procedures, blood work, medications all led to a monthly reminder that we still weren't pregnant. As corny as this is about to sound it all changed on a family vacation to Disney World. One night at the steps of Cinderella's castle during the fireworks we made a wish, well more like a statement of fact. The next time we would hear that music we would have our children with us. Chris and I spent a LONG time just walking and talking during that trip about what would be our next steps. We had three choices, well really two because we were not, not going to have children. We could either go through IVF (our next step medically), or we could adopt. Just because I listed adoption second for our choices doesn't mean that it was a last option, it was just another one. By the time we made it home from that trip the decision had been made. We didn't tell a soul.<br /><br />We came back from that trip late November/early December 2004. We worked out tails off to pay down some of the stupid debt that we had, so that when the time was right we would be in the best possible standings. The fork in our road was one that would be costly no matter which we choose. Between the legal fees paid to an attorney to guide us through an adoption, or to the doctors who would guide us through an IVF. Bottom line, we were young (26) and were just starting out on careers. The money would have to come from somewhere, and we decided that when it was time we would try to take it out of our home. We didn't want to more forward until the money was secured in full. In April 2005 we signed the paperwork that would take us on the one of the wildest rides of our lives! <br /><br />During the in between time we spent a lot of it looking at agencies. One afternoon we stumbled upon the website of the Adoption Agency we would later choose to use. At first when Chris and I talked about where we would adopt from we looked into the laws for a domestic adoption and decided that it wasn't a right fit for us. Then we thought about Russia, that country was a front runner for a while. The day we found our agency and saw those beautiful brown eyed babies, long story short we were in love!<br /><br />May 5, 2005 - It is easy for me to never forget that exact day. We met with our Adoption Agency for the very first time. I don't think Chris and I (up until that point) had ever been more nervous. These people were going to tear us down to nothing and look for the one thing to deny us- or so we thought. It was VERY overwhelming and I don't remember much of it other then the large pile of papers were going to have to provide them. We got started right away!<br /><br />May 18, 2005 in Guatemala City, a baby born was born.<br /><br />We spent most of the summer gutting our house to make it perfect and safe for our new baby. We were inspected by the health department, fire department, we had been finger printed background checked, medically cleared, our family/neighbors and friends were asked to write letters to recommend us, we had to write out our Wills, you name it we did it. The final hurdle was the home visit. This is also when my interview happened. I remember throwing dog toys strategically around our living room so it look 'lived in'! When I was done she went across the street to our neighbors ( who have known me since I was 8 years old!) to make sure we didn't come home drunk or have too many random 'visitors'. In the end we passed with flying colors!<br /><br />Sometime around the end of May the little baby boy who was born on May 18th showed up on our agencies photo listing. Side note, Chris and I never asked for a girl or a boy. We thought that since we would get a choice biologically why should we pick and choose now. We wanted a baby.<br /><br />Close to the end of August we were just about cleared through the paperwork when Chris and I talked one night about this baby boy, who, after so many months was still on the photo listing. I remember asking Chris if he thought he was just waiting on us. We took a few more days to think about it and finally August 30, 2005 Chris called to ask. We were both at work, Chris called and I knew to go to the back Doctors office to talk. We had him! We were parents! I floated through the rest of the day. Later that night Chris' parents came over for a late birthday dinner for his Dad. One of his presents was showing him the picture of his soon-to-be Grandson. I wanted to tell all the Grandparents face to face so I kept my mouth shut to my Mom and lied when I told her we did call but he was already placed with another family. Just so we could make it to the weekend to ride down to tell them face to face. <br /><br />In November we finished off the nursery. It was Winnie the Pooh from the ceiling to the floor. It was beautiful. Chris and I spent a lot of time in there talking, we liked being in there.<br /><br />The next few months dragged by. We had an update here or there but we were moving at a snails pace. We made it through all the holidays by the skin of my teeth. Month after month passing with no real progress. Little did we know that was a HUGE BEAMING red flag. <br /><br />Fast forward to January 18, 2006 - Chris' birthday. I had arranged for a singing telegram monkey to go to his work that afternoon. My boss knew I was leaving early, his boss knew what was coming. It was going to be an awesome birthday. I called in that morning to our agency to get a update. Thinking there may have been some movement and I would have happy news to tell him. I had to leave a message for our coordinator. She called back about 30 min's later. Even typing this now four and a half years later I can remember exactly what was said...<br /><br />Agency: Hi Megan I am returning your call we do have news<br />Me: Great! What's going on?<br />A: Can you and Chris come into the office this afternoon? (I remember her voice was sooo quiet)<br />M: (knowing this is not good at all) What is going on? <br />A: We really need you guys to come in...<br />M: (my heart was beating so fast- the up in your throat thumping in you ears kind) WHY?! What is wrong? He isn't coming home is he...<br />A: I am so sorry....<br />M: (my heart literally shattered and I couldn't speak anymore I just let out squeaks)<br />A: Can you guys come in at 2?<br />M: Squeak<br />A: OK we will see you then<br />M: Squeak<br /><br />I know looking at the words from the agency it seems as if they were cold about it. That is the farthest from the truth. She was quiet and respectful of the fact that my ability to breathe and speak were gone. <br /><br />By the time I had hung up with the agency I had cuddled myself into a little ball in the corner of my desk, trying desperately to not bring attention to myself in front of a room full of patients. I found my way back to an empty office and started trying to get a hold of Chris, who was out at his birthday lunch at work. By now co-workers who had seen me take off gasping for air and red faced found me. My boss finally got a hold of Chris and tells him she doesn't know what is going on (I am still not forming full works other then gone and Matthew) but something was wrong with the adoption. Now, he had an idea I was planning something for his birthday but didn't have a clue as of what. So he thought for a split second 'this is a joke right?!' my boss assured him that something was indeed very wrong and he needed to come home. My boss and a co-worker drove me home. <br /><br />I came in the house and just stood in the silence... this was a bad dream it was all a bad dream. After a minute I called my Mom. She couldn't make out a word I was saying, later she told me she thought I said Chris had died at first. I was able to get out what I knew which wasn't much. When Chris made it home we left albeit extremely early to go to the office. <br /><br />We got there and were never given a straight answer of what had happened other then the adoption would not proceed and he hadn't died. The days following were the saddest we have ever lived through. <br /><br />Four and a half years later we have his picture on our wall with our girls. He is the baby that made us parents for those 7 short months. There isn't a time I don't wonder about him, where he is, what he is doing, and prayed that he was safe. After Charlotte was born I had terrible PPD which only made his loss more painful when I looked at my beautiful girls. <br /><br />Last night I found him again. I was searching for something for Lily and I stumbled upon a website to sponsor children from around the world. These are the times in my life God (or whatever greater being there is) shows themselves to me. A thought had popped in my head about sponsoring a child a few weeks ago. I hadn't told Chris because I knew it wasn't in the budget after last month. So I just sat on it. Last night I just started looking through the site and I saw that you could type in the child's birthday and current age, as well as country. I typed in all his info and up he popped! There wasn't a doubt in my mind. I called for Chris to come look and he to knew it was him. The name listed isn't the one that we knew as his birth name, it is our last name Henry. We decided that today at nap time I would call into speak with someone about what we found and see how much more info we could find out. <br /><br />I told my story to this stranger on the phone who was wonderful and she said she had never had this happen before. The problem was the way their website is set up I couldn't find him again. She assured me this wasn't a problem and that their tech support could help me. Well, after spending time with the tech guy he also couldn't find him. He told me that someone else may have already chosen to sponsor him and that is why they couldn't find him in the listing. He told to watch the site and if he were to pop back up again to call, and they would grab it for me. <br /><br />I hung up feeling completely defeated. I called Chris at work and filled him in. We both started searching the site and then it just popped into my mind to check my Internet history. I never do that! I found him! They couldn't see him because he was still sitting in my cart in my history. Our little boy lost was found again.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054366676263204310.post-39266821294152649712010-08-03T20:00:00.006-04:002010-08-03T21:30:49.740-04:00Double Kisses<span style="font-family:courier new;">Lily has been asking a TON of questions about her birth mom. She calls her Guatemala Mommy. I am completely not threaten by her questions and I let them come out naturally. Funny though they always seem to come up during lunchtime.... sometimes while we are snuggling but mostly at lunch. She understands a lot of what happened during the process to bring her home-on a 4 year old level.<br /><br />Today though the way she was retelling it to me took me aback. She said 'You wanted a baby of your <em><strong>own</strong> </em>and you couldn't have one. Then you found me.' Most people not in the world wouldn't understand why that one word stood out, but it did like an elephant in an ant hill. I told her that was, in fact, <em><strong>my child</strong> </em>and that God knew how badly we wanted a baby and how badly her Guatemala Mommy wanted her to have a great life. That God put us together. That made her smile. She kept talking about how much she misses her Guatemala Mommy, but that she doesn't want to leave me. She has a huge issues with 'her family' being taken away. She has nightmares about us (namely me) being taken away. We use reassuring language when this comes up. There is true anxiety about this for her. But it doesn't show itself in separation. She loves to go to school, go with Chris to the store without me. She even prefers Chris to me (look up Daddy's girl and there she is!). She will spend time with her Grands.<br /><br />I thought we were doing to the right thing by making adoption a non-issue. Trying to make it a part of who she is not all that she is. She has been talking about wanting to visit her Guatemala Mommy. I told her that she could go anytime she wanted, but we needed to wait until she was a little older. She said she wanted to show her how good she was getting at her letters, and writing her name. I always tell her that I know she would be over the moon proud of her just like I am. I make sure I tell her that I know she loved her sooo much and wanted the very best for her. We have the picture that was taken of the two of them at the DNA appointment hanging in our living room. Am I reading to much into this? Should we search for her? Should we not? Would this good for Lily or not? I have NO clue... Why does being a parent NOT come with a manual?!<br /><br />The sweet thing she said one day as we were talking about whom was who's parent (Mom-Mom is Momma's Mommy; Grandpa is Daddy's Daddy etc) Lily said 'my Mommy is my Guatemala Mommy.' My heart stopped, then that sweet baby said 'but you are my Momma'. I admit the corners of my eyes had the burn going on. </span><br /><span style="font-family:Courier New;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Courier New;"></span><span style="font-family:courier new;">Lily, when you are reading this in 15 years... Momma is trying so hard to do this right for you! There was a song that I found when we were waiting for you called From Gods Arms To My Arms To Yours. It is from the prospective of the birth mom. The part that stuck in my mind is where she asks for the parents to kiss him for her. Every special thing in your life, sometimes just because I make sure I take that second and give you double kisses and how I wish with all my might that your Guatemala Mommy could know what was happening at that very moment.<br /></span><span style="font-family:courier new;"></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054366676263204310.post-74335100859420575932010-04-22T19:18:00.003-04:002010-04-22T20:15:11.250-04:00My First Field TripBeings that today was Lily's zoo field trip, she of course was up at midnight in our bedroom. Apparently she had gotten up vomited. We had no clue this was taking place because we had taken the monitor out of their room to take to my Mom's for Charlotte. Of course, I forgot to actually take drop it off to my Mom and it was still sitting in the living room in the bag when Lily looked at me and punched me right in the gut and said ' Mommy I was throwing up and you didn't come.' FAIL... :-(<br /><br />Chris took off running to check out her bed (Charlotte's bed) and I was checking over her. I didn't see anything on her and Chris found nothing in her bed. Turns out she made it to the potty. She had started a cough and drippy nose on Monday and that is what we think was going on. After the total fail of not having the monitor in place, Chris plugs it all back in turns it on just for Lily to sleep the rest of the night in our bed. <br /><br />She slept in late, her teacher told me that she didn't have to come in until 9am so that worked out just fine. Lily looked and sounded bad when she woke up. No fever, and no more throwing up just congested. After a little while she started to look more like cute self. We made it to school just in time.<br /><br />**I have to side step here. Because I have been not blogging there is a piece of this story that won't make sense unless I stop and tell this other story KWIM? Good! Lily doesn't ask questions so much about her adoption anymore, she makes statements of fact. Sometimes they are right, sometimes she just misses and sometimes she makes my heart stop. Her most frequent statement is 'I don't want to go back to Guatemala, I missed you too much and not ever gonna leave you.' Now this statement is pieces of her story we told her about how much WE missed her and how WE weren't ever going to leave her. The part about not wanting to go back to Guatemala stems from us saying she could go visit there when she was older, she thinks it means she is going to stay there forever. **<br /><br />We are on the bus on our way to the zoo Lily turned my face to hers, rubbed my cheek and said 'Momma I love you, I glad you come and be my partner, I never gonna leave you.' I melted.<br /><br />Once we got to the zoo the preschoolers and high school students separated into their groups. Our group was Lily, her two high school teachers and myself. She held my hand the entire time. Not because I made her, because she wanted to. We walked that entire zoo and she only said one time that her legs hurt and that was on our way out.<br /><br />We stopped at the gift shop brought home a new Giraffe that she has named Soft- because that is how he feels. When we got back on the bus she thanked me coming with her! There aren't enough words to express how wonderful today was!<br /><br />Lily thank you for hands down one of the best days ever!<br /><br /><br />PS If you are looking for pics, I put them on facebook. Blogger is a pain to post pics on.<br /></blogitemurl>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054366676263204310.post-60852837202892809962010-02-22T21:50:00.002-05:002010-02-22T21:52:49.651-05:00Ordinary DayThis is so incredibly true...<br /><br /><br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/olSyCLJU3O0&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/olSyCLJU3O0&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054366676263204310.post-3225299433309936212010-02-20T19:44:00.004-05:002010-02-20T20:17:51.217-05:00Conversations With the GirlsA while ago I was writing down chats with just Lily, because Charlotte really wasn't talking yet. Well, times have changed around here for sure here is a recent discussion.<br /><br />I was letting out the dogs in the afternoon, I turned around and saw Charlotte standing on the back step, I came back into the house and she was giggling walking backwards...<br /><br />C: Whoa (giggle giggle) whooooaaa Son Bitch!<br />M: Charlotte you CANNOT say that anymore it is a naughty word!<br />C: (hugs me around the leg) I sorry mommy, I so sorry.<br />M: It is ok but you just can't say that<br />L: (from the living room) what is wrong?<br />M: Nothing, we just cannot say naughty words..<br />L: What did Charlotte say?<br />M: Don't worry about it, worry about Lily ( I have been saying that a LOT lately!)<br />L: Oh she say Son of a Bitch again<br />M: DOh! (I couldn't help it I laughed- she caught me totally off guard) LILY PLEASE DO NOT repeat her! It is VERY naughty.<br />L: okay Mommy<br /><br />At this point I was just about back in the living room I could see Lily playing<br /><br />M: (trying to change the subject) Is Cinderella sleeping<br />L: Nope she died<br /><br />After talking with her a little about what she thought dying really was, I was trying to figure out what she thought she knew<br /><br />M: Lily where do you go when you die<br />L: (with the sweetest face ever) to the aquarium...<br />M:!!!<br />L: (she sensed my !!!) and changed her answer to the beach.<br /><br />Sigh... we have a lot to work on!<br /><br />**********************************************************************************<br />Some fun Charlotteisms:<br /><br />*When I wake her up from nap and she isn't ready she bats at me and says 'leave me alone'!<br />*Tonight she wiped her brow and said 'whew that was a close one!'<br />*She tells us she is 'mad at yous' crosses her arms and I swear she says 'humph' and turns her head!<br />*She sounds just like Ming Ming from Wonder Pets when she sings!<br />*She is VERY honest when she does not want to do something she quite frankly tell me 'no, mommy no thanks'<br />*Her favorite food is chicken nuggets<br />*She says 'no thanks' to anything green<br />*Sometimes when she laughs she sounds like an old man! Think Louie Armstrong<br />*When I change her diaper I always ask her when she is going to go potty on her tinker bell potty, she laughs and cry's out 'NEVER!'<br />* Two nights in a row she has waited for Lily (the informer) to go to sleep and has emptied out her wipe container<br />*One night Chris went into check on them, and found Charlotte with the huge lotion bottle in her bed. He asked what she was doing and again in her very frank way said 'I lotion my feet Daddy'<br />* One of the favorite games right now is Pirate, she squeals 'arrgh matey' and we walk the plank daily!<br /><br />Everyday I wake up and wonder what Chris and I ever did without these girls in our lives! They do make life fun.... even if now and again it is a bit challenging!<br /><br /></blogitemurl>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054366676263204310.post-27795480525546526952010-02-20T19:25:00.003-05:002010-02-20T19:44:15.536-05:00An Ode to Gracie PuppyGracie Puppy, how do we love thee? We love thee through 2 laptop power cords, 1 pair of Chris' glasses, our sheets, CPAP mask, CPAP tubing, CPAP power cord, Blackberry power cord, cell phone ear piece, Valentine's candy, dog tie out, suitcase handle, belt, chewed off barbie hands, playdoh, 2 children's books, numerous toys, cardboard boxes, Chris' wallet, my wallet, $200 vet visit, and a mint plant.. insert your own joke here!<br /><br /><br />This is just what we can remember off the top of our heads. Gracie Puppy (her nickname given to her by Charley) is truly our Marley. She was discounted and everything! We should have known!!<br /><br />Well, at least she is cute!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054366676263204310.post-65933165107437750802010-02-16T07:32:00.003-05:002010-02-16T08:20:34.809-05:00Sailor Charlotte<span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:arial;">Before I begin I wanted to put a small disclaimer on this post. The following story Chris and I are not proud of as parents and not something we are striving for. The only reason why it is getting told on here is because it is a priceless story...and it is REALLY funny.<br /><br />Chris and I are far from prefect parents and part of that is not always using the appropriate language in front of the girls. It has gotten MUCH better over the years but slips do happen especially in the form of knee jerk reactions. Lily being the moral barometer that she is caught on quick that these are "naughty words" and will call us on it. We apologize and have a quick talk about not saying those words, nothing like being scolded by your 4 year old!<br /><br />Charlotte however just doesn't get it yet, and has picked up from (Chris<cough>) us a bad habit. The first time I heard her say it, I didn't believe it. But there was no way it could have been anything else. Notice I said first time... yeah we are having a hard time breaking this.<br /><br />So here it is... Every time she says 'Ouch' from getting hurt she follows it 80% of the time with a 'Son Bitch'. Sometimes we get the whole sentence sometimes just those two words. Now we have been on her about it. We thought it was getting better. We were at the Vet yesterday with Gracie (whole other story) and she said 'Ouch!' when she fell. Chris and I both just held our breath. Thankfully she ended it there.<br /><br />Here is the priceless part, in the afternoon yesterday we were on our way to the pet store. Charlotte was playing with her doll in the back and pretended it was hurt this is the exchange we hear in the front:<br /><br />C: Ouch SOB! SOB!<br />M&C: Charlotte do not say those words...<br />C: <singing> <giggles><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">SSSSOOOBBB</span><br />Lily: Mommy Charlotte is saying SOB...again.<br /><br />M&C: <> We do NOT want to hear that anymore from either of you!<br />L&C: <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">Otay</span>!<br /><br />So far so good today. It is very hard not to smile when she does say it though because it is very matter of fact. I told Chris he has turned our baby girl into <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">Cartman</span> from South Park... she needs a V Chip!</span> </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054366676263204310.post-70928229474721165492010-02-09T11:31:00.003-05:002010-02-09T11:34:26.882-05:00Lily's Fairy Tale Day!Long overdue video from Lily's special day at Disney! Enjoy! <br /><br /><br /><br /><embed height="398" name="FLVPlayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" width="475" src="http://www.onetruemedia.com/share_view_player?p=" quality="high" scale="noscale" wmode="transparent" salign="LT" flashvars="&p=99cec7b67e365dd94b2b67&skin_id=1012&host=http://www.onetruemedia.com"></embed> <div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; PADDING-BOTTOM: 15px; MARGIN: 0px; WIDTH: 475px; FONT: 12px/20px verdana,arial,sans-serif"><a style="TEXT-DECORATION: none" href="http://www.onetruemedia.com/landing?&utm_source=emplay&utm_medium=txt2" target="_blank">Photo and video editing at <span style="TEXT-DECORATION: underline">www.OneTrueMedia.com</span></a></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054366676263204310.post-80143166999927476782010-01-14T10:17:00.004-05:002010-01-14T10:55:29.101-05:00Earthquake in Haiti<span style="font-size:130%;">A fellow blogging Momma (</span><a href="http://www.michellesmiles.com/"><span style="font-size:130%;">http://www.michellesmiles.com/</span></a><span style="font-size:130%;">) posted this link on her blog PLEASE follow it and help if you can.<br /><br /></span><a href="http://www.thatschurch.com/"><span style="font-size:130%;">http://www.thatschurch.com/</span></a><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /><br />This is the email/webforms for the Senator's Cardin and Milkulski<br /><br /></span><a href="http://cardin.senate.gov/contact/email.cfm"><span style="font-size:130%;">cardin.senate.gov/contact/email.cfm</span></a><span style="font-size:130%;"> Phone : (202) 224-4524<br /><br /></span><a href="http://mikulski.senate.gov/Contact/contact.cfm"><span style="font-size:130%;">mikulski.senate.gov/Contact/contact.cfm</span></a><span style="font-size:130%;"> Phone : (202) 224-4654<br /><br />Please call/write and help get these babies OUT of there! Remember how it felt for Chris and I to be powerless. What these parents are going through we can't even imagine. Please do this in Lily's name as way of celebrating her homecoming anniversary this Sunday.<br /><br />Thank you!<br /></span><br /><br /></blogitemurl>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054366676263204310.post-13503481846877581362010-01-13T09:25:00.003-05:002010-01-13T11:01:39.481-05:00Monster Trucks and Pixie DustLast week the girls and I all had nasty colds. So nasty in fact for a couple days I wanted to use the 3 letter F word. It didn't progress that far, but it was close. Lily picked it up somewhere and shared it (she is learning soo much at preschool!) with us. Thankfully, it didn't hit everyone at once. By the time Lily was showing improvement, I started. True to form Charlotte got it the worst and is hanging on the longest.<br /><br />A few nights ago, she really started coughing. We rubbed her chest with Vicks, and pulled out the humidifier with a Vicks pad in that. That did help for a while, but by the time Chris and I were going to bed she started again. We pulled a pillow off of our bed and tried propping her up with it. That seemed to do the trick.<br /><br />The night before last, Chris had gone into check on them and found Charlotte with her head under her pillows. He pulled her out, she was covered in sweat but ok. We took our pillow away and everything was fine. She hadn't done that with her pillow before. Then yesterday at nap time I was going to try again with the two (it really was helping with her cough). She wanted NO parts of her pillow, she wanted mine. So I put hers on the bottom and mine on top. She snuggled her little head done on that pillow and sighed saying 'momma' and rubbed her head some more!<br /><br />Then last night Chris didn't put the pillows the way I had at bedtime, but she didn't complain either. I had gone into check on them and found her again with her pillow over her head, laying on mine! I think I lost my pillow! LOL<br /><br />She is just getting sooo big! I can't believe in about 6 more weeks she is going to 2 1/2! We are sitting on pause with potty training. She still likes the idea of it and will void on it sometimes, but she still likes the convenience of her diaper.I am fine with this, it is her last attachment to babyhood. She still prefers to eat with her hands. Chris and I were talking one night at dinner while we watched her eat with her hand while holding her spork. We decided right then that we are going to continue to encourage to eat with the spoon/fork, but not sweat over it. We know that at her wedding she will be eating with a fork!<br /><br />This weekend Chris looked right at her and told her she was the prefect mix of Monster Trucks and Pixie Dust. This is so true! It is not uncommon to find her fully dressed in a princess ball gown playing with her tools 'fixing' something. She got a purse for Christmas to use for dress up. She loves to get it out and fill with her cars or trains and then put it on her arm.<br /><br />She loves to play Wonder Pets. She will run up to Chris, and shout 'oh no, Gracie puppy in trouble!' Chris will ask her what they should do, she says 'I know, rescue!' Then he will ask her what she needs she says 'rope!' Then she runs out of the room to go start rescue. She could play this for hours!<br /><br />One of her favorite things right now is Ela Fun! Who knew? I have to get this on video! Chris said she plays it like she is going for Gold in the XGames! It is Extreme Ela Fun in our house! She lets Lily have one of the nets then she must have the rest, she doesn't get it to try to catch the butterfly's, she hits at them. Oh my it is funny!<br /><br />We are working on her dressing herself. This has been a slow milestone for her. Again I think she just likes the convenience of me dressing her. She does have opinions on what she likes to wear though! This morning we were running a little late to get Lily to preschool, so I sent her in her room to get out a pair of soft pants (what we call sweats/yoga pants). Well on her first attempt she came out with shorts, uhh no. I told her to try again and find pants. Second attempt she came out with pants, she was just trying to put them on legs by putting it over her head! It really helped to lighten up a stressful morning. Oh then she got them off of her head sat down and put two legs in one hole. Of course she stood up to check out her work just to fall. Lily and I were laughing so hard! Charlotte was laughing as well. Finally, she got her feet right and pulled them up! Lily and I cheered for her! Oh please don't think I was just sitting there watching her struggle, I was putting Lily's hair up.<br /><br />She loves to cuddle again, she went through a Miss Independent phase. But now I guess it is cool again to snuggle! Kissing has also made a huge come back! Lily has always been a Daddy's girl, now Charlotte is starting to be one as well. Chris is in heaven! Everyday when he comes home from work it is like a rockstar has come to our house!<br /><br />She and Lily are so tight, Chris and I don't have a chance! They love to play together, for the most part. Daily there are small issues, but I think it that over all they are Best Friends.<br /><br />Ohh this is a funny one... she is sneaky! Charlotte loves to get out of her bed at night time. Normally Lily is still awake and rats her out! The other night though, I was on my way to the shower, and I walked past their room. I saw a small movement out of the corner of my eye. There she was up out of bed, standing by the dress-up area putting purses on her arm completely unaware I was watching her. I of course called Chris to see how cute this was! Once he saw we swung the door open talk about deer in the headlight!!<br /><br />She is very demanding! We are constantly saying 'did you forget something?' Yesterday she was timed out for not putting the shoes away. I try to have the toys picked up before Chris gets home (keyword try). I wanted her to put the shoes that were scattered from playing dress up. She refused and actually told me 'never!' LOL It took two, two minute spats in time out for her to get the point!<br /><br />She loves to sing! Row Row Your Boat, is her newest. Verbally in general she has exploded. There is very little I don't understand. My favorite thing she says right now is 'ummm, Momma?'<br /><br />I can't wait to see what else is next for Miss. C!!<br /><br /><br /></blogitemurl>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054366676263204310.post-40947679685321892922010-01-04T19:06:00.003-05:002010-01-04T19:35:04.855-05:00Back to the Grind** I guess it would have been great if I included the name of the movie we went to see!! Yes, it was The Princess and the Frog! **<br /><br /><br />Holiday vacation is over for Mr. Henry :-( The girls both woke up asking where Daddy was. We spent the morning trying to get back on schedule and get things put up and away. Basically trying to make sense of all the things that were laying about. Lily's nose is still running, Charlotte is also now starting a little drip. We just got Charlotte's cough gone, hopefully this will stay a minor thing. Fingers crossed!<br /><br />Tomorrow the girls and I are going to venture out to the store to get a few things to make cupcakes for Lily to take into school for her birthday. Chris and I told her she could invite 2 friends from school, she picked her little boy she is going to marry (her words not mine!) and another little girl. This is going to be our first little friend party. Next year we are going to let her invite all 12 kids from her class. We are going to have to figure out somewhere ELSE to have it. LOL But it is for her 5th, so we will see...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054366676263204310.post-90773309273473453442010-01-03T18:55:00.002-05:002010-01-03T19:44:45.828-05:00One on One TimeIf you haven't already noticed what one of my resolutions this year is to try to blog as much as possible. I have a lot of undone posts I am working on getting finished as well as finishing off the videos and posts from Disney.<br /><br />Another resolution Chris and I have made as a parenting team is to try to spend a lot more quality time with the girls. Not just be in the same room, but really engage them. I have read TOO many blogs this year written by parents who have lost their spouse or child. We really want these remaining cool years count. Before we know it Lily and Charlotte will be too cool to go the movies with Mommy, or on a special dinner date with Daddy. This year we are going to do much more of things like this. Today was the beginning.<br /><br />I took Lily to see her very first movie in a theater! Chris and I were going to take her together but were afraid that time was running short, they just don't keep the movies in the theaters like they used to. Today was the perfect day! We told her that we were going to go as long as she wasn't running a fever (she still has that yucky runny nose, and she threw-up a ton of mucus over night) that we would go. She must have asked us to check her forehead at least 20 times this morning. She stayed cool and didn't vomit anymore. We were good to go! She was treated to a full on big girl morning. She got a shower and got to pick out her clothes it is amazing what a 4 year-old finds cool! :-) She took her Tiana baby doll on the ride over as well.<br /><br />We had been talking about the movie and what to expect, hers and our main concern was when the lights go out- she is still having dark issues. On the way over she asked 3 million questions about the movie and what was going to happen. Once we got there she was in heaven! She got to have a Sprite- I think that is the first time she ever had a soda of her own!<br /><br />Before I forget, I have to add this... Last year Lily shared with me a bag of popcorn as a snack in the afternoon. This was at the same time (although we didn't know it at the time) we were all brewing that horrendous stomach bug. Long story short Lily threw it all back up. She has never forgotten, and will tell anyone who asks that she doesn't like popcorn because she threw it up. All that background for this. The other day while I was getting her ready for her rest I asked if she was going to get popcorn at the movies. She told me no, she wanted broccoli!! LOL Only Lily!<br /><br />Today just as I was about to pay for our drinks she asked for popcorn....sigh.... I asked for the smallest bag they had, it was still bigger then she was!! I think in total she ate 4 single popcorn! :-) She LOVED the Sprite though!<br /><br />The movie itself was very sweet! Lily sat like a movie going pro. The end of the movie has a certain few scenes I didn't expect, I looked over at her to see a single big fat tear rolling down her cheek. Then when the movie was over I looked over at her again and she had her face all rolled up like she was going to really get crying. I asked her what was wrong and she told me 'I not crying Momma, it was just such a sweet movie'. I just wiped up her face and promised she could take her still mostly full cup of soda home and that seemed to help!<br /><br />When we got home she told Chris all about her crying and again reassured him that she wasn't sad! He got a kick out of that! To make up for Chris not going to the movie he is planning their first dinner date!<br /><br />Don't think we have forgotten Charlotte! Right now she loves having the extra one on one time with us. She and Chris stayed in and watched all the Star Trek (BIG SIGH) movie trailers together on the DVR. Chris is happy to report she is well on her way to Trekhood! She and Chris made lunch together and played with her new toys. <br /><br />A very nice way to spend our last day of holiday vacation!<br /><br /></blogitemurl>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054366676263204310.post-89031584249704964292010-01-02T19:40:00.002-05:002010-01-02T20:42:02.951-05:00Not a Party Until Somebody Vomits!Today for Lily's birthday we told her that she was in charge (within reason!) and she could call the shots! We celebrate Lily's birthday (with a party) farther in the month of January for a couple reasons. 1) It is REALLY close to two major holiday's, and 2) Lily shares her birthday with her Cousin Juice and 3) if we wait just 2 more weeks she can celebrate not only her birthday but also her homecoming day! We have done this since she has come home and works very nicely.<br /><br />Last year we started letting her pick where she wanted to go/do with a little help. This year, I asked one afternoon and she told me she wanted to go see the Dolphin Show at the Aquarium! So this morning after she picked her breakfast of toasted PB & J, with milk. We headed out to the Aquarium.<br /><br />We were literally about 2 blocks from the garage on a one way street and a Mini-Van came barreling around the corner coming at us head on!! Chris blared the horn and the man (also with his family) looked about as shocked as we did, gave the obligatory hand of 'oops my bad!' backed out onto his road. I was upset that this had happened, but I had to giggle when I saw his wife's mouth moving a million times a minute and looked like she wanted to crawl under a rock!<br /><br />The rest of our 2 block journey was quite uneventful! We parked and headed in. We only had about 45 minutes to wait for the Dolphin Show so we didn't want to get too involved with the anything. We let the girls play on the bubble tubes for a few minutes and then headed over to watch the Dolphins in their tank before the show. Lily was in heaven!!<br /><br />The show was great! Charlotte was MUCH more into it this time. When we had gone over the summer she was not too impressed at all. This time though she was clapping, and waving at the dolphins for the whole show. I don't think we even pulled many snacks out. Lily loves the show and just sat there fascinated by it. Every time one would jump out of the water she would gasp and her mouth would fall open!<br /><br />When the show was over we made our way back down to the underwater tank to say our last good-byes to the dolphins. Lily then wanted to see the Jellies, and the Sharks. The line for the Jellies was quite long, so we headed over to find the sharks. If you haven't been to the Baltimore Aquarium, the area they keep the shark tanks in is very dark and ominous. Lily has, in the past, had problems dealing with the darkness of it. She has never flat out refused to go through it, she didn't love it. I was surprised when she said she really wanted to go see them. We made it all the way to the top of the escalators. We told her that we were at that the sharks and she told us 'ok, I am a little scared, but I have you guys so I won't be too scared.' :-) She did really great! Even walked by herself at some points!!<br /><br />After that we headed back to Jellies! The lines were all gone. Charlotte really likes this! She just stood in her spot and stared! Lily walked right up to the one tank and literally talked to the Jelly. She told the Jelly it was her birthday, apparently it was the Jelly's birthday as well and the Jelly smiled at her. It was soo cute, her exchange even made a hardcore-tween aged boy smile a little.<br /><br />After we were done with the Jellies it was well past time for lunch. The only other request Lily made for her birthday was to eat out somewhere for dinner. We promised her Pizza Hut. However there was no way we were taking them anywhere for dinner after having walked them most of the day with no nap. We thought quick on our feet, we needed to sell to her that lunch at the Aquarium was just as nice as Pizza Hut. In the end we think she just wanted to eat out. She was very excited that we were going to have lunch there and was just fine having a 'big girl pizza' brought to our house!<br /><br />I will admit the girls really kept it together for the day. We knew we were on borrowed time when Charley ate her lunch with her head on the table. After lunch was all done we wiped everybody up and headed for the gift shop. We left Lily pick out a new doll she picked a Jelly Fish she is calling Flounder, and Charlotte won Chris over when she picked up a baby seal and said, 'Look Daddy a Sea Puppy!' We paid and headed for the van.<br /><br />Charlotte didn't make it out of the city before she literally collapsed in her car seat. Lily though was up and wired! We were about 5-10 minutes from home and she started singing a song over and over and over again. After about the 7Th time, we asked her to please pick a new song. She started giggling, and kept singing, and laughing. What really can you do about that?! We teased back with her and she would just keep singing, and laughing. At one point she got herself laughing really hard and then she got quiet. She has had a runny nose (again) for about 2 days...yeah singing + laughing + snot = you guess it vomit! sigh....<br /><br />The great news is that it really was just that, she was completely normal the rest of the afternoon/evening. We did get our pizza ordered in and she was sung a beautiful albeit, off key version of Happy Birthday by her loving family! She had a bath (as she requested) and had two books at bedtime.<br /><br />All in all I think that Miss Lily enjoyed herself just a tiny bit more then we did today!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054366676263204310.post-31687261486857758342010-01-02T00:00:00.002-05:002010-01-02T16:39:17.966-05:00Happy 4th Birthday Lilliana!!<span style="font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;">Dear Lilliana,<br /><br />This year just has zoomed right past us! You hit the ground running at 3. This was your year for sure! You took swim and dance class, upgraded to a big girl bed, went to Disney World, started pre-school, became fully potty trained, got glasses, got your ears pierced, saw the ocean and was a flower girl. It has been a fun-filled year for sure! Your Daddy and I really understand why parents warn each other about the 3rd year! You could have been the poster child for a 3 year old! Such a mix of sassy and sweet! Although we had our share of hard days, I wouldn't trade one. To do so would be losing a day with you. Daddy and I love you through the good days right along with the extra whiny ones.<br /><br />We are so proud of the little lady you are growing into. You are such a great big sister. You are so patient and kind with Charlotte. There is this gentle grace you have about you. I was listening to you laugh while you played tonight with Daddy and Charlotte. I just let it wash over me. It is the sound of pure happiness.<br /><br />Lilliana, you are one of the two best gifts Daddy and I have ever been given. We can't wait to watch you grow. You aren't our fragile little Lily anymore. You are smart, strong, and the most beautiful chocolate eyed little (big) girl we have ever known!<br /><br />We love you as high as the sky and as deep as the ocean, it will never end. Happy Birthday Sweet Lily!!<br /><br />Love,<br />Mommy and Daddy </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3