3 It's Our Magic Number...

A friend of mine once wrote on her blog that when she couldn't get the thought of another child off of her mind, she asked God "to change her mind, or change her heart". I must have read that line years ago and it has stuck with me all this time. I have asked for the same thing, so far the only thing that has happened is that the little seed in my heart has grown.

This past month made it quite clear what we wanted. We thought that by some medical miracle we had become pregnant. I stayed VERY quiet about it (sorry mom). I didn't want to think too much into it knowing full well it more then likely I wasn't- it just isn't possible. But thought we did, excited we got. Just to be told what we already knew. It really happened for a reason, Chris and I talked a lot about what having another child would be like and in the end it made it crystal clear to us that we indeed have room in our hearts (though maybe not our house) for another child.

While growing this little seed in my heart, it has seemed to become rooted on a specific spot. Really no different then when we choose Guatemala for Lily. My heart was sold on those beautiful faces. My heart has fallen in love with Special Need population. Chris wasn't too blown out of the water when I told him this. I worked for 12 years as a Nurse with adults with Special Needs. I grew up with a best friends whose brother and sister were living with Downs Syndrome. The only thing I couldn't really express why. That was until tonight and I was left to entertain myself (dangerous!;-) while he worked on homework. I stumbled onto the story of the Starfish.

Once upon a time there was a wise man that used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work. One day he was walking along the shore. As he looked down the beach, he saw a human figure moving like a dancer.He smiled to himself to think of someone who would dance to the day. So he began to walk faster to catch up. As he got closer, he saw that it was a young man and the young man wasn’t dancing, but instead he was reaching down to the shore, picking up something and very gently throwing it into the ocean.As he got closer he called out, “Good morning, what are you doing?” The young man paused, looked up and replied, “Throwing starfish in the ocean.” “I guess I should have asked, why are you throwing starfish in the ocean?” “The sun is up and the tide is going out. And if I don’t throw them in they’ll die.”“But, young man, don’t you realize that there are miles and miles of beach and starfish all along it. You can’t possibly make a difference!” The young man listened politely. Then bent down, picked up another starfish and threw it into the sea, past the breaking waves and said, “It made a difference for that one.”There is something very special in each and every one of us. We all have a gift – the ability to make a difference. And as we become aware of this gift, we strengthen our vision and power to shape the future. We must each find our starfish. And if we throw our starfish wisely and well, the world will be blessed.

So far this is just in the talking phase and not a step past that. We really can't do anything anyway until Chris is done with school. In a way the wait is just what we need to really think it all the way through. I do admit there is a large part of me that wants Guatemala to get itself together and for adoptions to reopen. That is our very first choice. 3 will be our magic number though. Chris has always just wanted 2 and I wanted 4. So 3 is just perfect for us!! :-)