I haven't blogged in a LONG time! There have been some great things in the past several months and some not so great things. The person I am going to focus on tonight is my Poose.
Life with Poose these past months has not been an easy one. Chris and I have been just dumb struck by it. There have been tears (hers and ours), rage, uncontrolled outbursts, terrible sleep patterns, horrible unfounded fear. We had talked to her doctor about at her well visit and she told us just to keep watching her. So we have been. Then this past Thursday her pre-school teacher took me aside and told me that she has noticed a shift in her focus at school. She said that she was 'drifting off' and her teacher was having to instruct her to do things several times before it clicked and she did them. This was the first time I thought that there really may be something wrong. Nothing fit though. It was a big ball of little things that were not adding up to anything.
Thank God this conversation happened that same day I had an appointment with her doctor because she was still sick. I again talked to her doctor. Told her everything that has been going on. Told her about the bruise that was left on her arm because she was trying to throw herself out of the van at Target. Chris was SO upset! I held nothing back. We aren't perfect either and I wanted to put it ALL out there. We needed help. Again she has told to watch her and completely ignore the tantrums (when we are home) and remove her from the store. Explain to her what our expectations are when we are out, ex. She agreed that it may be a bunch of little things that don't add up to anything, or it might be more. We just needed to give more time.
On the way from the appointment I thought about how we interact with Poose. I came up that maybe we might be babying her and needed to loosen up a little. We have given her a small list of chores. I was also thinking that she might also not being challenged in school and here at home. I asked her about really learning to read better. Right now she can with lots of help sound out a book. But girlfriend wants to read!! I told her that we were going to start working on that. She lit right up!
Isn't it funny that sometimes you just have to go to the doctor and you feel better? This has been Poose. She has been on point all weekend. She is still having sleep problems. That is just ongoing for her. I told Chris tonight that seems to have her smile back. There is this ease that is back in her face when she smiles. We are still taking everything a step at a time. But I think that whatever was haunting her is on it's way out.
I worry more about her then Puddle. I always have. The reason is a simple, I don't know what is in her past. I only have very basic information to go on, and that is saying it is even true. I look to far into everything. She has had a pain in her leg, it is off and on. I was sure there was something really wrong. She hasn't mentioned it again since her last well check.
I think there is a also a large part of me that still (4 years later) is waiting for the other shoe to drop. Chris and I have a family we didn't think we would ever have and we were given these two beautiful girls. I keep waiting for it to all be taken away. To wake up and find this was all just a dream. I am working on this. It is just hard to learn to relax.
I am just glad my big girl was given her smile back.