Chats With Lily

Today she and I had the best adoption conversation ever. I love to see how much she is understanding, and even better how a 3 year old expresses that.

This happened today around lunchtime. I was getting it ready for them and they we watching a cartoon/playing in the living room. Lily came running to the gate and announces...

L: Mommy! Did you know that Diego's friend is the same name as my birthmador? It is A just like her.
M: Yup they are the same...(then I think about this for a sec) Lily remember that they are two different people.
L: Blank stare
M: They have the same name but Diego's friend isn't your birth mother.
L: Oh like the red shirts
M: blank stare
L: (shows two fingers) the two red shirts they are both same red but they are different.
M: (thinking that she is brilliant) Yes that is a very smart way to think about it.

We have been keeping her birth mother's photo is easy reach, just for times like these. She ran back into the living room and I went to go get the picture.

M: Lily this is your birth mother picture remember (it had been a while since we looked at it)
L: Ohhh she is A, my birthmador... she has long hair like me.
M: Yes she is very beautiful like you too. You grew in her tummy, like Charlotte grew in my tummy.
L: I grow in your heart
M: Yup
L: She holding me. she love me.
M: yes she does. Lily do you want to hang up this picture so you can look at it whenever you want to?
L: Yes (she got up and pointed to a very low place on the wall.. to close for Charlotte)
M: How about we find a place in your room, way up high. Maybe by your bed. That way Charlotte can't get it.
L: Yeah she is a baby, this is for big girls (I LOVE when she says that!)

She picked a great place, but I didn't want to put tooo much tape on it and it kept falling down. So I asked if we could wait and I would ask Chris to put it in a frame for her. She liked that idea. She held on to the picture for a while looking at it. Then she looked back up and said

L: When I was a baby you rock me and gave me a bottle in Guatemallra?
M: Daddy and I came for a visit but we couldn't stay. We had to leave and come back here to wait for you. It made us very sad to leave you.
L: (she started to cry!) I cried when you left, I didn't want you to go.
M: (trying to stop the crying) I know, but we were able to come back, and we brought you home and now we are together forever.
L: that made you happy
M: Very, I tell A thank you all the time because she gave me you.
L: I love her.
M: You should she was very brave woman.
L: She not a woman she a girl in Guatemala. (Pauses) we are friends.
M: Who are your friends?
L: Daddy, Chardette, me and you we friends we are together because of A
M: (trying not to tear up) yup you are right.
L: yes Mommy we are a family.

I heard the phone ringing but I couldn't move I just gave her the biggest hug and asked if she wanted to help finish lunch. I always imagined that she would talk about her adoption. I thought it would be more formal, but it never has been that way. We have had the best talks about everything when something pops up out of the blue. It is casual and easy.