Matthew 5:44

I try very hard to not include negative things here on the blog. VERY HARD. Not that I am trying to hide a thing about Chris and I or our girls. What you read here normally is truly our day to day life.

There is however an extremely negative element to our lives. I was reminded of it again today. I don't even know if I am even going to post this or not so I am going to try to not divulge too much, to protect us. Please forgive me for this.

Matthew 5:44-5
44But I tell you to love your enemies and pray for anyone who mistreats you. 45Then you will be acting like your Father in heaven. He makes the sun rise on both good and bad people. And he sends rain for the ones who do right and for the ones who do wrong.

Could you even imagine opening a birthday card addressed to you- and reading this?! The best/worst part they wrote "I still love and care for you". I didn't recognize the verse at first as in the card it was just put behind the senders name ( ex name Matthew 5:44). Obviously I saw the name Matthew and there was already twinge in my heart, but then to look it up and read what the verse was, it made me ill.

What kind of person uses your Son like that?! They knew what they were going to do me the minute the wrote his name in that card. Now, do I understand that it wasn't him they were inferring to, yes. But what most people do not know is that for sometime I have struggled with his loss. I just want to know where he is and that he is safe. I may never get that information, and that is something that I am slowly dealing with. There have been many tears shed recently as I am just now processing his loss. He was our baby for 7 months and they day they took him from us it was as if he died.

Do I consider myself perfect? Not my an inch, but I am not a bad person. I am a Momma, who with a Daddy decided that we would not longer allow ourselves or our children to continue with a toxic relationship. So we stopped it. This person cannot let it go.

There was also a card sent for Charlotte. This person has NEVER met her, and NEVER will. The fact that the card came irritated me for several reasons, the biggest being that nothing was sent for Lily's. Now, PLEASE understand that I DON'T WANT ANYTHING SENT HERE EVER, but it did make me take pause. Why for one and not the other? I will never figure it out and don't wish to spend anymore time on it then I already have.

I have already written the return address on both cards and they will be going back out to the mail soon. I had to write the address because the person must think that on top of being a bad person I am also dumb and won't realize who it is from. So I open it make sure I am right and fill in the return address myself.

Again I am sorry to use this as a forum for this mess, but this is my outlet.