May, May, May....Sigh...

May is FULL of emotion for Chris and I.

5/5/05 was the first meeting with our adoption agency

5/10/06 The first time we held Lily!

5/11/06- We received Pre- approval

5/13/06- We had to say good-bye to Lily for 8 LONG months....

5/19/06- We entered PGN

5/18/05 Our Matthew's Birthday...

I remember that when we were making our plans to visit Lily I refused to go over Matthew's birthday. I just couldn't do it. Looking back I should have gone. When we got back from visiting Lily I was so sad. I just couldn't comprehend that I had left my child behind. Then right behind that we faced Matthew's first birthday. I worked myself up so bad that I ended up in the Emergency Room the day after Matthew's birthday. They said it was dehydration from a stomach bug but I know it was a broken heart. I was a mess. The four months from the time we lost Matthew and met Lily I was able to push out how distraught I was to lose him. I had to love Lily, she needed to feel it, and I sent it in buckets. It took us leaving her for my dam to burst. I dread May, I can remember that pain like nothing else. It is the month I made myself face Matthew's loss. 4 years later I am in a better place, but May still bites big time!