Not too long ago there was a discussion on the POZ board (fellow Project OZ parents) on the topic of being approached in public and questioned about how different our children look from us. We have never been asked but I always tell people. I think it is very special how Chris and I had our babies. Well today was the day..
I took the girls to the store way later in the day then I normally do. I hate to make Chris stop on his way home and we needed something that could not wait until tomorrow. The girls and I go out all the time now, and we normally do very well. Today though Lily...sigh.... my Lily sigh... she was being very....two. At one point there was a battle over re-fried beans... it was just not a good trip. So I was happy to be in the check out line with only a few things.
The checkout lady was making all over Charlotte and then she saw Lily. She asked Lily if I was her Mommy. She was being very friendly saying very sweetly "is that your Mommy?" Lily was tugging at my shorts and told her "Mommy is" -There Mommy is. The check out lady asked Lily her name and Lily responded the normal "anna henry" She only says this when you ask her to say her name otherwise she identifies herself as "illys". So I translate for her. The check out lady goes onto tell Lily she has very pretty brown eyes. Then, she says it..
Her: 'They must have two Daddy's'
Me: 'Nope, same one'
Her: 'Really?'
Me: 'Yup'
Her:'They couldn't they look so different'
Me: 'yup they do'
Her:(Just looks at me)
Me: 'She was born in Guatemala'
Her: 'That shouldn't make a differ...' She stopped herself, and turned a little pink. She understood
Me: Standing there making sure she didn't say anything stupid...and after the experience in the store it wasn't going to take much for me to throw down!
Her: 'Well that just makes her even more beautiful.. she was chosen'
Me: I proceed to tell our story :-)
Believe me she was being very kind albeit a little intrusive. There was never a snarkyness behind her voice.
When Chris and I were going through the homestudy process we had to take online classes. I remembered very clearly the one segment that dealt with this topic. I picked the defensive response at the time. I think the question was "Are they your real children?" and I of course picked the answer that was something like "Nope they are fake!" Right after I picked that a rather large red box came up explaining why that wasn't the best route to take! Can you believe that?! Me not say the appropriate thing? :-0 I know shocking!! ;-)
At least this time I got it right!
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Who's your Daddy?!
Hugs and Kisses! Megan at 9:08 PM
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4 comments:
I haven't encountered this much. I once was told at a playgroup that Rudy didn't look much like me and he must look a lot like his dad. I said his coloring is more like his dad's but he's adopted so he doesn't really look like either of us. It was just easier to cut to the chase, especially since others there knew our story. But I can definitely see wanting to take the playful (he doesn't look like me?) or the defensive depending on how people approach me.
Rudy also still uses some spanish words (he knows the english equivalent) so sometimes I get comments about starting him early on spanish (I tell them he is spanish) or asked whether my husband or I speak spanish (I tell them we know only as much as Rudy does).
Kathy
I haven't gotten many either other than the one where the guy helping me at the grocery store asked me what Maria's daddy was (ethnicity)...he wasn't trying to be mean either. We haven't faced any truly ugly comments. Now Mark did take Maria to the grocery store the other day here in Alabama (on vacation) and he said he got more looks than he ever has. But no comments. I think most people mean well. I like what the checker said when she realized...
Reba
I think you handled yourself quite well in this situation.
I am happy that you all had a great little vacation. The smiles on your faces say it all. Love MomMom
We get the "are they(real) sisters question pretty often. Sometimes the person does not say the "real" part, but it sure is implied. I usually just say yes, as they are sisters, real sisters. If it's a person we know more than casually and/or if the person's intent seems benign, I may explain a bit more. It is difficult with these types of situations, as I don't want to model defensiveness about these questions to my girls but I also don't feel we need to tell everything to everyone. I guess it's a balancing act really.
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