Today

One of the many reasons why I didn't post much this week, is an intensely private one. We have buried this deep inside because it brings with it intense pain, but today isn't about us. Today is our son Matthew's 3rd birthday.


For those who don't know Matthew was our first baby. We were able to choose him, he was such a special boy, he was our boy. Chris and I never got to hold Matthew, his adoption suddenly and w/out reason stopped about 7 months into it. The loss was so sudden, it literally took our breath away. I have been dreading this day, today every year is the day I mourn his loss. I think about Matthew and miss him more then anyone could ever really know everyday, but his birthday stings the most. This year has been much more intense for me... I have asked myself why all week, and the what I keep coming back to is that now with the having the girls we really know what we have missed with him. Chris and I agree that there is a missing piece, he and I both feel it.





For Mother's Day I asked for a family of 5 pendent. It is of 2 parents that are holding the hands of their 3 children. In a shape of a heart. It holds two meanings for us the third child represents our baby boy we lost and the baby boy we plan to adopt in the future.





This is for you Matthew....

Today


Today we wish we could kiss your face

The pain of never feeling your touch time has yet to erase

Today we should be commenting on how time flies
Not still asking God why

Today we hold on tighter then ever before
And pray that wherever you are you soar

Today we hold your sisters close and know that one day,
we will tell them stories of our sweet boy
In time they will know that you brought us such great joy

Today we can only imagine where you are
Wonder what is your favorite color race car
Or how big you have gotten
We hope that your heart knows
That we have never forgotten

Today we love you, as we always have, and always will
Ours was a promise to you that we were not allowed to fulfill
We will love you, and carry you, where you were born to us from
Until our time to meet has come.

Happy Birthday Mattie

Love, Mommy and Daddy.